Friends ...

Life can be odd at times, painful too, but a true friend can really lift that load from your shoulders and make you smile ........

Friendship is an in-depth, relaxed relationship!
Friends relate.

It is an in-depth relationship combining trust, support, communication, loyalty, understanding, empathy, and intimacy.

These are certainly aspects of life that all of us crave.

Being able to trust and relax with your friend is a big part of friendship.

Remember when you were young and went with a friend to her grandma's for the week-end. It was fun but when you got home, home was wonderful. Your feeling was "I'm home. I can relax now."

That's what a friendship should be.

You go out into the world and do your best. You have your ups and downs, your problems and triumphs, your fun and tribulations. You charm and you perform.

Then you come "home" to a friend. You can relax, put up your feet; you are relieved. If you still have to be charming and/or performing, it's not a relief.

Friendship is a comfy situation like home. You get home, kick off your shoes, relax and sigh, "Ahh, home."

But no one can form a friendship until he/she realises that the basis of being friends is meeting the needs of the other person. One must be a friend to have one.

Never forget that friends relate. Relating is the basis of friendship.

We could listen to friends sometimes ......

We often take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.

Watch someone really listening to another person. He makes eye contact and focuses on the other person. He listens with his eyes as well as his ears. While listening, he nods or makes attentive noises from time-to-time. He is a skilled, attentive listener. The person he is listening to feels a sense of communication.

You can grow more friends with your ears and with your eyes than with your mouth.

After your next conversation, test your ability to benefit from listening to that conversation. Analyze and ask yourself:

• What did I learn from my friend?
• What did I learn about my friend?
• Did anyone interrupt?
• What questions should I have asked?
• What questions should I have answered more thoroughly?
• Was I absolutely certain I understood everything?
• Did I ask for clarification?
• Did I practice acknowledgment?
• Did my friend practice acknowledgment?
• Were both parties attending?
• Was the conversation balanced?
• Did anyone keep changing the subject?
• Did anyone get angry?
• Did anyone appear sad?
• Was everyone paying attention?
• What will I do different in my next conversation?

We all need friends. We all need that communication that only a friend can give.

The World of Pain

We all know what pain is, physical pain that is. It ranges from the moderate throb of an earache to the excruciating horror of a dislocated joint. It seems that we all experience levels of pain in a different way, our minds handle it uniquely according to our own level of coping.

Despite its unpleasantness, pain is an important part of the existence of humans and other animals; in fact, it is vital to healthy survival . Pain encourages an organism to disengage from the noxious stimulus associated with the pain. Preliminary pain can serve to indicate that an injury is imminent, such as the ache from a soon-to-be-broken bone. Pain may also promote the healing process, since most organisms will protect an injured region in order to avoid further pain.

My Grandfather was an example of someone who had the ability to endure the most awful pain without so much as a flinch. He was wounded and maimed dreadfully in WW1 and I imagine, in order to live a life and survive at all after that, he developed coping skills. Unfortunately he expected everyone around him to have the same skills! Looking back to when I remember him sitting in his chair, I now know that he was off in a trance, detached, separated from the pain he felt. He was in fact in a hypnotic state, although he himself did not know it at the time. He was disocciated from his own physical feelings.

I really like the story of Milton Erickson which tells of the time he was called upon to treat an aging lady. She was moribund, suffering terribly with the pain of cancer. When he arrived to see her, she was quite hostile, unhappy and unconvinced that anyone at all could relieve her pain. Erickson persevered, he knew the dreadful sensation of deep pain himself. In order to explain very quickly to this lady just how it was going to work, he asked her that if she suddenly saw a great tiger at the door of her room, licking its chops and ready to devour her, would she still feel pain? Of course she wouldn't, and very quickly she realised which path Erickson was taking. She spent much of the rest of her time, pain free, listening to the purring of a great cat beneath her bed.

In my dealings with clients suffering, and needing relief from pain, I view their pain as a construct. Psychologically speaking, pain is very basically made up of three things.

• Memories of past pain events
• Present pain
• Projection of how this pain will progress

By inducing a hypnotic state and changing the way that the mind views any, or all of the three mindsets shown above, we are certain to change the pain felt right now. People also relate quite negatively to the word "pain", so from the outset I drop that description and call it discomfort. It's very important to note at this juncture that removing all pain by hypnosis is both unwise and potentially very dangerous. Pain is, after all, there for a reason.

Finally, the most basic form of hypnotic relaxation technique will have a profoundly beneficial effect upon pain. Anyone reading this who has broken a bone will know that as soon as the supporting cast is applied, the pain subsides. Why is this so? The reason is simple; the limb, all its tendons, muscles, fibres and nerves relax once they are supported. This of course reduces the physical trauma at the point of the break, easing the .... discomfort.

I wish you a pain free day!