Grief and it's consequences

At some time in all our existences we shall all experience grief. Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. But any loss can cause grief, including the following:

• A relationship breakup
• Loss of health
• Losing a job
• Loss of financial stability
• A miscarriage
• Death of a pet
• Loss of a cherished dream
• A loved one’s serious illness
• Loss of a friendship
• Loss of safety after a trauma

The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. For example, you might experience grief after moving away from home, graduating from university or college, changing jobs, selling your family home, or retiring from a career you loved. Grief is also a highly idiosyncratic experience, we all experience it in a very individual way. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

There are many myths about grief, for instance:
MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

MYTH: Grief should last about a year.

Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.

I really like some of the works by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in 1969 she introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.

These five stages are as follows, you may well equate to them:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”

• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who is grieving goes through all of these stages – and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.

Kubler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”

Some of the more common symptoms of grief are as follows:

• Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.

• Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.

• Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.

• Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.

• Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.

• Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.

So, you may ask, all that's fine, but how do I handle it? You MUST FIND SUPPORT! That support can come in many forms, but here are a few suggestions.

• Turn to friends and family members – Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.

• Draw comfort from your faith – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you – such as praying, meditating, or going to church – can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.

• Join a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.

• Talk to a Hypnotherapist – If your grief feels like too much to bear, call them. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

Don't hesitate to contact me. As always, I may be contacted by email, or by 'phone. At any time you may call, leave a message, or speak to me on 0414 856 278.

Tiger did it with hypnosis .....

Golf, just like any other game or life activity has a mind related component. It follows then, if we have a poor mind set, our performance will suffer. Watch Tiger Woods closely, each time he tee's up to take a shot he blinks twice. This is what we call an 'anchor'. He's used hypnosis, and during those sessions of hypnosis, this double blink was anchored in his mind to 'put him in the zone'. Two simple blinks and the crowd, wind, weather, noise, pressures all disappear. In his mind he's setting himself up to play that perfect stroke. All that he needs to do then is allow his mind to carry it through.

We can all do this, it doesn't have to be golf, it can be anything that we've learned to do. Kick a goal, take a penalty kick, take a driving test, intimate activities, jump a bar, throw a javelin, take an examination. You name it, and anywhere that your performance relies on a learned pattern of behaviour can be improved by focusing your mind. The easiest and most reliable way of doing this is to use hypnosis, and in that state of hypnosis develop an anchor. That anchor can be any simplistic physical thing; blink your eyes, tighten a fist, look to the right .... and so on, ad infinitum.

You see, once we've learned to do something to the highest degree of our ability, we don't need to improve on it. All that we need to do is to repeat what we have stored in our mind. The times that we fail are the times when we try to exceed our own learned skills. In other words, our conscious mind takes over and we try to enhance our skills with greater effort; the usual result? Abject failure.

We can all learn this process through hypnosis. Wherever we have a learned pattern of behaviour in our life, which we need perform at a personal optimum level, we can 'put ourselves in the zone' with an anchor learned during a hypnotherapy session.

Remember that, consciously.

S.A.D.

As the calendar moves on, and Christmas approaches once again, the days in Australia grow hotter and longer. Conversely of course, in the northern hemisphere the opposite is true. The days shorten, and in many countries of the north daylight becomes a fleeting phenomenon. This massive change in the amount of daylight, either more or less of it, affects human beings quite intensely. Short days and small amounts of daylight can induce depression; during the long summer days in such places as here in tropical Queensland, we have what many know quaintly as 'Mango Season'. Here in the tropics and sub tropics, people can be affected in the opposite way to depression, that is, mania.

The short day/winter form of SAD symptoms always start in the the autumn or early winter. The illness generally lasts for between five to seven months until spring, when the days grow significantly longer, and the symptoms disappear, leaving the sufferer perfectly healthy until the following autumn. Many of these people will also feel an increase in energy at the onset of spring.

Dr. Shila Mathew, a board certified psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente Health system suggested that there are four classic symptoms shown by her patients who had been diagnosed as having SAD. These are:

• Increased desire to sleep
• Extreme lethargy
• Depression
• Increased appetite which often leads to weight gain

According to Dr. Mathew, winter depressions can be very very severe in some patients. It affects the way you function and, in some cases, interfere with your personal relationships. Mood certainly changes. Some people become sadder, to the point of experiencing real grief at times. Many of them become very irritable, some become very anxious. Sometimes the irritability can lead to feelings of violence. Many feel drowsy throughout the day. They cannot get "enough of sleep". Some increases their sleep by as much as two hours or more per day. They may fall asleep early in the evening or have a tough time getting out of their bed in the morning, showing all signs of sleep deprivation.

Many experience a severe lack of energy which may manifest as inability to concentrate at work and a lack of vitality. To compensate for this lack of energy, many will go on an eating binge. Many crave foods which are high in carbohydrates. As a result of this overeating, many will put on weight during the winter months anywhere from 9 pounds to 30 pounds. Many find that they have no control on this excessive eating. (At spring and summer months, their eating habits will return to normal and most of them will lose the extra weight they have gained in winter only to gain them back in the next winter.)

Perhaps, the most important symptom of SAD is that all SAD sufferers feel depressed. They feel guilty for the lack of energy and the overeating. They sense a loss of self esteem, hopelessness and despair. Many find it hard to work. The number of "sick days" taken by the SAD sufferers in winter goes up dramatically. Many SAD sufferers will withdraw from the world and avoid social contacts.

The following symptoms are shown by some SAD sufferers; but not all.

• Anxiety: Tension, inability to tolerate stress, phobias.
• Social problems: Irritability, loss of pleasure in being with others and a desire to avoid contact, which could even turn to unwillingness to leave the home or bed.
• Loss of libido: Decreased interest in sex.
• Sleep problems: Tendency to sleep for longer periods. The sleep is restless and less satisfying. They wake up during the night.
• Mood swings: In the spring when SAD lifts, some sufferers experience a dramatic swing in mood and a short period of hypomania, a sudden surge of energy and enthusiasm which brings problems of its own.
• Menstrual difficulties: During the winter premenstrual tension may be worse than in other seasons, bringing irritability, sleep problems, appetite changes and low energy levels.
• Hopelessness: Feelings of desperation and hopelessness, which sometimes lead to over-dependence on relationships, work, home.
• Excessive eating and drinking: Carbohydrate foods, alcohol, coffee.
• Increased sensitivity to pain: Headaches, muscle and joint pain.
• Other physical ailments: Constipation, diarrhea, palpitations.

SAD shows no discrimination. It affects everyone without any regard to class, race or occupation. It gets worse in countries which are far from the equator where there is a substantial difference in the length of day from summer to winter.

SAD affects both sexes. But it was found to affect women more than men. Typically, the disorder starts manifesting when the patient is 20-40 years of age. It, however, had been found in some children and some older adults.

SAD may be hereditary. Many SAD sufferers come from a family where a parent or a close relative suffer from SAD.

It is estimated that ten percent of the population in the USA suffer from SAD. In U.K., Australia and Canada, doctors estimate that five percent of the population suffer from SAD. The variation between the countries may be due to the difference in awareness level of the population of the readiness of the population to seek treatment for the disorder.

Children may be affected too it seems, as many of the known SAD sufferers suggested that they were suffering from these symptoms since their childhood. Six percent of children surveyed in a Minnesota school claimed to experience extreme mood variations during the winter. One percent reported feeling depressed in winter. In a study conducted with 2267 middle and high school students in a suburb or Washington, D.C.. 3.3 percent of the responding students showed symptoms of SAD. The rate of SAD was found to be higher in post pubertal girls. The study concluded that between 1.7 percent and 5.5 percent of children between the ages 9-19 years may have SAD. They also have speculated that there is a relationship between SAD and puberty.

SAD Children (no pun intended) often suffer from fatigue and irritability, but not necessarily depression. They are generally aware that something is wrong, very often, they will blame their problem on external factors such as someone is "picking on them" Usually, these symptoms are thought to be the result of the onset of puberty or of adolescence. Keep an eye on your children to see whether they experience a seasonal decline in academic achievement, activity or mood.

Almost all children with SAD suffer the following symptoms during the autumn and/or winter months:

• Sadness
• Anxiety
• Irritability

Some will show symptoms such as:

• Fatigue
• Sleep problems, disturbed sleep, tendency to fall asleep during the day
• Increase in appetite
• Carbohydrate or junk food cravings
• Headaches

Keep an eye for the following tell-tale signs of the performance at school:

• Decline in academic achievements
• Loss of desire to take part in activities, especially sports
• Memory impairment
• Poor organizational skills
• Difficulty in writing

Children suffering from SAD may also show behavioral difficulties such as:

• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Crying spells
• Temper tantrums
• Tendency to watch a lot of television without retaining what is seen
• In springtime become hypomanic with feelings of elation, talkativeness, sleepless nights and hyperactivity.

Isn't it amazing when we take a close look at ourselves as human beings. We are indeed very delicate creatures. Who would have thought that simple sunlight, or lack of it, could create physical and mental aberrations?

Once again, this phenomenon highlights that mind - body link that we are more aware of now than we were some years ago. Our body is affected by the way we think, and our mind is affected by the way we feel.

It is critical then, to not only be aware that we are beings who need to live healthy lives physically, but also mentally. We really do need to care for our minds. Hypnotherapy is one of the finest ways of doing that; look upon it as a 'mind massage'.

Many people see me professionally for pure and simple relaxation. It helps them to be healthier, its as simple as that. As the old Latin phrase goes: 'Mens Sana in Corpore Sano'. A 'healthy mind in a healthy body' (if I can remember my Latin correctly!)

Colours, Cigarette Packs and Controversy ....

If the government in Australia has it's way (depending on who wins the Federal Election of course!), there is a plan afoot to change the colour of cigarette packets. To quote 'The Age' newspaper: "..... all cigarettes will have to be sold in plain packets by the start of 2012 under a radical government plan to remove one of the remaining forms of tobacco advertising". This is part of an ongoing attempt to dissuade people from buying tobacco products.

I have no idea what colour they intend to sell them in, but many of us are unaware of the power of colour in marketing and advertising of goods. Think about it, rarely will you see a cigarette packet which is a combination of black and yellow. We instinctively know that these two colours (when together) mean DANGER! It's the tint of a hornet or a bumble bee.

Colour is powerful. It can directly affect our autonomic nervous system. For instance, red can elevate our heart rate and blood pressure, blue can sooth and calm us. It is not by coincidence that sporty cars were, and sometimes still are, red in colour. Conversely, most people would not paint the walls and ceiling of their bedroom bright red!

Here are a few examples of the way in which we are influenced daily by colour:

Black

Black is the colour of authority and power, stability and strength. It is also the colour associated with intelligence (doctorate in black robe; black horn rimmed glasses, etc.) Black clothes make people appear thinner. It's a somber colour sometimes associated with evil (the cowboy in the black hat was almost always the "bad guy"). In the western hemisphere black is associated with grieving. Black is a serious colour that evokes strong emotions; it is easy to overwhelm people with too much black.

White

For most of the world this is the colour associated with purity (wedding dresses); cleanliness (doctors in white coats) and the safety of bright light (things go bump in the night ... not the bright sunshine!). It is also used to project the absence of colour, or neutrality. In some eastern parts of the world, white is associated with mourning. White associated with creativity (white boards, blank slates). It is a compression of all the colours in the colour spectrum.

Gray

Gray is most associated with the practical, timeless, middle-of-the-road, solid things in life. Too much gray leads to feeling mostly nothing; but a bit of gray will add that rock solid feeling to your product. Some shades of gray are associated with old age, death, taxes, depression or a lost sense of direction. Silver is an off-shoot of gray and often associated with giving a helping hand, strong character (sterling in-fact!).

Red

If you want to draw attention, use red. It is often where the eye looks first. Red is the colour of energy. It's associated with movement and excitement. People surrounded by red find their heart beating a little faster and often report feeling a bit out of breath. It's absolute the wrong colour for a baby's room but perfect to get people excited. Wearing red clothes will make you appear a bit heavier and certainly more noticeable. (Some studies show red cars get more tickets but that maybe because the red car owners drive faster or the ticket giver notices the movement of the red car more prominently). Red is not a good colour to over use but using a spot of red in just the right place is smart in some cases (one red accent in a otherwise neutral room draws the eye; a red tie with a navy blue suit and white shirts adds just the right amount of energy to draw the eye (no wonder it's the "uniform of the day" at the seats of government). Red is the symbol of life (red blooded life!) and, for this reason, it's the colour worn by brides in China. Red is used at holidays that are about love and giving (red roses, Valentines hearts, Christmas, etc.) but the true colour of love is pink. Pink is the most calming of all colors -- often our most dangerous criminals are housed in pink cells as studies show that colour drains the energy and calms aggression. Think of pink as the color of romance, love, and gentle feelings, to be in the pink is to be soothed.

Blue

Ask people their favorite colour and a clear majority will say blue. Much of the world is blue (skies, seas). Seeing the colour blue actually causes the body to produce chemicals that are calming; but that isn't true of all shades of blue. Some shades (or too much blue) can send a cold and uncaring message. Many bedrooms are blue because it's calm, restful color. Over the ages blue has become associated with steadfastness, dependability, wisdom and loyalty (note how many uniforms are blue). People tend to be more productive in a blue room because they are calm and focused on the task at hand. Some studies are showing that weight lifters can lift more weight in a blue gym - in fact, nearly all sports are enhanced in blue surroundings.

Green

The colour of growth, nature, and money. A calming colour also that's very pleasing to the senses. Dark forest green is associated with terms like conservative, masculine and wealth. Hospitals use light green rooms because they too are found to be calming to patients. It is also the colour associated with envy, good luck, generosity and fertility. It is the traditional colour of peace, harmony, comfortable nurturing, support and well paced energy.

Yellow

Cheerful yellow the colour of the sun, associated with laughter, happiness and good times. A person surrounded by yellow feels optimistic because the brain actually releases more seratonin (feel good chemical in the brain) when around this color. It is the colour associated with optimism but be careful with yellow, when intense, it is the color of flames and studies show babies cry more in (bright) yellow rooms and tempers flare more around that color too. It has the power to speed up our metabolism and bring out some creative thoughts (legal tablets are yellow for good reason!). Yellow can be quickly overpowering if over-used, but used sparingly in the just the right place it can be an effective tool in marketing to greater sales. Some shades of yellow are associated with cowardice; but the more golden shades with the promise of better times.

Orange

The most flamboyant colour on the planet! It's the colour tied most this fun times, happy and energetic days, warmth and organic products. It is also associated with ambition. There is nothing even remotely calm associated with this colour. Orange is associated with a new dawn in attitude.

Purple

What colour were the robes of kings and queens? Yes, they were purple, our most royal colour that is associated with wealth, prosperity, rich sophistication. This color stimulates the brain activity used in problem solving. However, when overused in a common setting it is associated with putting on airs and being artificial. Use purple most carefully to lend an air of mystery, wisdom, and respect. Young adolescent girls are most likely to select nearly all shades of purple as their favorite colour.

Brown

This colour is most associated with reliability, stability, and friendship. More are more likely to select this as their favorite color. It's the colour of the earth itself "terra firma" and what could represent stability better. It too is associated with things being natural or organic. Caution however, for in India it is the color of mourning.

Well, there you go! Next time you're tempted to purchase something, be it a bag of sugar, or a new car, check out the colour, and maybe analyze just why you are doing so!

Prescribed drug withdrawal process ...

Medications for depression and anxiety are amongst the most commonly prescribed within the Western World. For some people, there comes a time when they feel the need to withdraw from the usage of whatever their medical expert has recommended.

Dependence of such medications can create within the individual, who have overcome their original mental health issue, a frustrating, drawn out process.

Let me emphasise that withdrawal from a drug in this ilk is not to be taken lightly. Severe side effects can develop if the process is not followed correctly under expert supervision. I would never, under any circumstance advise any of my clients to simply quit 'cold turkey'. There is a specific process of withdrawal, best guided by a medical supervisor.

There are a few websites however which do offer sound advice, and if followed carefully, they can be most helpful. It would be prudent to consult your own health practitioner before beginning the process, but the following site gives some excellent pointers to the correct process:

http://www.theroadback.org/default.aspx

Combine this with a process of erudite hypnotherapy and you may find yourself well on the way back to where you wish to be, rather than where you are.

Good luck.

Hypnosis ... myths and truths

Questions that clients have asked over the years prompted me to Blog some answers ..... there are many myths about hypnosis out there, so let's dispel a few right now ...

The Hypnotist will be able to control my mind.
No one can control your mind, unless you let them. Your Hypnotherapist will give you suggestions that you want to be given, based on the Pre-Hypnotic Interview. At no point during your session will you lose control of your mind. If you hear a suggestion that you don't agree with, or don't understand, your subconscious mind will automatically reject it.


I will be made to perform embarrassing acts, such as bark like a dog, or walk like a duck.

This assumption is based on Stage Hypnotism and Hollywood fiction. The truth is, these people volunteer to act on stage, and they allow themselves to participate in these suggestions. Hypnotherapy is a serious process of self-improvement, not entertainment.


Hypnosis comes from "Black Magic" or is "Supernatural".

Hypnosis is a natural state that has been studied scientifically. Hypnotherapists are not Psychics or Palm Readers with "special powers". Hypnotherapy is based on many years of clinical research by famous psychologists such Milton Erickson and Ernest Rossi.


If I become Hypnotised, I may not be able to snap out of it, maybe Hypnosis is dangerous?

Hypnosis is very safe and is in fact, a state of hyper-awareness. Any time there is an emergency, a person would naturally be able to come out of the Hypnotic state by opening their eyes, and stretching or speaking.


I have never been in Hypnosis before.

Every person naturally enters a state of hypnosis at least twice everyday: just before falling asleep at night, and upon awaking every morning. Most people easily enter "Environmental Hypnosis" while at the movies, watching TV, driving on the highway, or while reading a good book.


Hypnosis is a "Miracle Cure".

While Hypnosis is a relatively quick method of making permanent improvements, there is no such thing as a one-time "Hypno-Miracle"! Every individual makes progress at his or her own rate. Be weary of those who make wild claims of overnight success.


Hypnosis is a great tool to get someone to "confess".

Hypnotherapy sessions are kept private and cannot be used for court testimony (usually). It is not an alternative to a lie detector test. Hypnosis cannot force anyone to "tell the truth" or to confess.


When Hypnotised, I will lose all sense of my surroundings, and will have no memory of the session.

Hypnosis is not an unconscious state of sleep. In fact, most people report having a heightened sense of awareness, concentration and focus, and can even hear more acutely during a session.


I can't be hypnotised because my mind is too strong, only weak minded persons can be hypnotised.

Basically anyone can be hypnotized as long as they do not belong to the following groups of people:
- people who are severely mentally challenged;
- people who are under the influence of drugs and alcohol;
- people who are unwilling to be hypnotised.

Well, there we go. If you have any further questions, please ask. I'm a hypnotist, so this is merely a suggestion ;-)

Hypnosis Cuts Hot Flashes for Breast Cancer Survivors

From an article by Steven Reinberg

(HealthDay News) -- Breast cancer survivors who suffer from hot flashes can reduce these attacks significantly with hypnosis, a new study finds.

Hot flashes are a problem for many women who survive breast cancer. Not only do they cause discomfort, but they interrupt sleep, cause anxiety and affect a woman's quality of life.

"This is a very encouraging study of hypnosis as a treatment for hot flashes in breast cancer survivors," said Dr. Ted Gansler, director of Medical Content at the American Cancer Society, who was not involved in the study. "This is an important topic because of the high prevalence of these symptoms in breast cancer survivors, and because few other treatment options are both safe and effective for this population," he added.

There have been some other studies of hypnosis and cancer that indicate that the treatment is useful, but currently underutilized, Gansler noted.

The report was published in the September issue of the Journal of Clinical Oncology.

For the study, researchers led by Gary Elkins, a professor of psychology at Baylor University, randomly assigned 60 breast cancer survivors who suffered from hot flashes to five weekly sessions of either hypnosis or no treatment.

During each session of hypnosis, women were given mental imagery and suggestions for relaxation and coolness. They were also told to disassociate themselves from hot flashes. In addition, they were taught to use positive suggestions and imagery during self-hypnosis.

Women who underwent hypnosis had an average 68 percent decrease in the frequency and severity of hot flashes, the researchers found. In addition, these women said they experienced less anxiety and depression. They also had significant improvements in sleep and their ability to perform daily activities, compared with women who received no treatment.

"Women are interested in alternatives to traditional hormone therapy and pharmacologic interventions, and this study demonstrates the feasibility and potential effectiveness of hypnosis as an alternative treatment," the researchers concluded.

But since the control group received no treatment, it's difficult to say whether some or even all of the improvement represents a "placebo effect," Gansler noted. "However, the researchers reasonably suggest that the improvement is so substantial that it is unlikely to be due entirely to a placebo effect," he said.

Nancy E. Avis, a professor in the department of social sciences and health policy at Wake Forest University School of Medicine, and author of an accompanying journal editorial, agreed that hot flashes are a symptom of cancer treatment that needs to be paid attention to.

"We don't have good interventions for hot flashes," Avis said. "We know that hormone therapy treats hot flashes, but women who have had breast cancer don't want to take hormone therapy," she said.

Many mind-body approaches are promising, Avis said. "The hypnosis study has impressive results, but we need more research," she said. "Based on these small studies, we are not ready to say they work."

Avis believes alternative approaches such as hypnosis are appealing to a lot of women. Many other approaches such as meditation and yoga are available at cancer centers, she noted.

"There is no reason to think they are not safe," Avis said. "The advice is -- try it -- there is no harm in trying. As long as you do it with somebody who knows what they're doing, there are no downsides," she said.

Internet addiction linked to self harm?

From an article by Nick Miller .......

Internet addiction has been linked to double the normal levels of self harm among high school students, in a new study published this morning. However the researchers say it is not clear that the addiction led to self-injury - both behaviours may be symptoms of a deeper problem, a lack of self control.

Researchers from the University of Sydney and Notre Dame surveyed 1618 students aged 13 to 18 in Guangzhou in China.

About one in six reported some form of self-injury in the previous six months such as hitting, burning or cutting themselves.

Just over one in ten reported moderate or severe internet addiction: admitting to feeling depressed or moody when 'off-line', and fantasising about the internet when away from a computer.

When the results were compared, the researchers found that students were twice as likely to report high levels of self-harm (more than five episodes in the previous six months) if they also showed signs of internet addiction.

There was a much less clear link between internet addiction and an increase in lower levels of self-harm.

The authors said self-injury was a complicated adolescent behaviour that did not necessarily involve the intent to kill yourself.

Previous studies had noted a link between self harm and other addictive behaviour.

"In recent years, with the greater availability of the internet in most Asian countries, internet addiction has become an increasing mental problem among adolescents," the study authors wrote.

"Many studies have reported associations between internet addiction, psychiatric symptoms and depression among adolescents."

They said their results suggested a "strong and significant" association between internet addiction and self-injurious behaviour in adolescence.

However they warned it was too early to conclude that one could be caused by the other.

"Internet addiction and self-injurious behaviour can both be considered as part of the spectrum of impulse control disorders," they said. "All these behaviours may be rooted in some common ... factors that require further exploration."

The research, led by Dr Lawrence Lam of the University of Sydney's faculty of medicine, was published today in the journal Injury Prevention.

Mmmm thats an interesting one indeed .... all the best to you .... Dan

Mmmm gimme gimme gimme ..... from the New York Times

Materialism is bad for you, studies say

By Carey Goldberg

(what do you think?)

As a Lexington, Massachusetts, psychologist and couples therapist, Aline Zoldbrod is all too familiar with this picture: A husband and wife no longer connect.

They are so exhausted from the pursuit of "nice things" - a big house, private school for the kids, fancy cars - that they are time-starved and depleted. Life is luxurious but unsatisfying and simply no fun.

Zoldbrod said it is not only her clinical experience that tells her such clients are on the wrong track. It's a growing body of research.

Using statistics and psychological tests, researchers are nailing down what clerics and philosophers have preached for millennia: Materialism is bad for the soul. Only, in the new formulation, materialism is bad for your emotional well-being.

In recent years, researchers have reported an ever-growing list of downsides to getting and spending - damage to relationships and self-esteem, a heightened risk of depression and anxiety, less time for what the research indicates truly makes people happy, like family, friendship and engaging work. And maybe even headaches.

"Consumer culture is continually bombarding us with the message that materialism will make us happy," said Tim Kasser, a psychology professor at Knox College in Illinois who has led some of the recent work. "What this research shows is that that's not true."

The research is more nuanced than that, of course. For people who are living paycheck to paycheck, more money unquestionably brings greater well-being. And for the comfortable, a raise or a new purchase can certainly feel good - for a little while, anyway. Also, economic research indicates that a hunger for money can motivate people to perform better and even more creatively.

There is also a question of cause and effect. Feelings of insecurity incline people toward materialist values, the research suggests, and that insecurity can also lead to relationship troubles and other problems associated with a materialistic lifestyle.

But Kasser argues that when people turn to material things to feel better, they compound the problem, because they seek experiences that "don't do a very good job of meeting their psychological needs."

Ed Diener, a University of Illinois psychology professor and happiness expert, said in an e-mail that he has found that "those who value material success more than they value happiness are likely to experience almost as many negative moods as positive moods, whereas those who value happiness over material success are likely to experience considerably more pleasant moods and emotions than unpleasant moods and emotions."

Studies show that poor people who emphasize materialistic goals are especially likely to be unhappy, while in some studies, materialistic rich people show fewer ill effects, presumably because they are meeting more of their goals. But even for the better-off, materialism can create a nagging appetite that can never be satisfied.

Materialism becomes "a more difficult goal than many," Diener said, "because it is open-ended and goes on forever - we can always want more, which is usually not true of other goals such as friendship. With friends, we have them and enjoy them but usually are not taught that we keep needing more."

There's also an opportunity cost to chasing the wrong goals, said Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychology professor who focuses on people's flawed ability to predict their emotional reactions. When people spend their effort pursuing material goods in the belief that they will bring happiness, he said, they're ignoring other, more effective routes to happiness.

So why is materialism so common? The trouble is that the error is subtle.

"If it were the case that money made us totally miserable, we'd figure out we were wrong" to pursue it, Gilbert said. But "it's wrong in a more nuanced way. We think money will bring lots of happiness for a long time, and actually it brings a little happiness for a short time."

Whether warnings from social scientists will make a dent in popular consuming values remains to be seen. Kasser compared the expanding pool of data on the potential harm of materialism to the data on lung cancer caused by smoking. Preachers had long called smoking "the devil's work," he said, but it was only when the cancer connection was proved scientifically that smoking really began to wane.

Gilbert of Harvard, however, is skeptical. "Let's try. Let's give them the data. Let's shout it from the mountaintops," he said. "But let's not be too surprised when all the people in the valley nod their heads knowingly and then go on to covet a Porsche and a new home and tickets to the Super Bowl."

Anzac

A Tribute to ANZAC Day

With their hair a little whiter, their step not quite so sure
Still they march on proudly as they did the year before.
Theirs were the hands that saved us, their courage showed the way
Their lives they laid down for us, that we may live today.

From Gallipoli's rugged hillsides, to the sands of Alamein
On rolling seas and in the skies, those memories will remain.
Of airmen and the sailors, of Lone Pine and Suvla Bay
The boys of the Dardenelles are remembered on this day.

They fought their way through jungles, their blood soaked desert sands
They still remember comrades who rest in foreign lands.
They remember the siege of old Tobruk, the mud of the Kokoda Trail
Some paying the supreme sacrifice with courage that did not fail.
To the icy land of Korea, the steamy jungles of Vietnam
And the heroic battle of Kapyong and that epic victory at Long Tan.

Fathers, sons and brothers, together they fought and died
That we may live in peace together, while at home their mothers cried.
When that final bugle calls them to cross that great divide
Those comrades will be waiting when they reach the other side.

Ken Bunker

Mind Venom

Living in in Australia, and particularly in Queensland, one becomes (or should become!) acutely aware that we have many venomous and highly dangerous creatures here. Possibly, we have the highest concentration of the deadliest creatures on earth as far as venom goes. Most of the well know 'biters' are snakes of course, the Inland Taipan or Fierce Snake topping the list with the worlds deadliest snake venom. It's followed closely by several others, including its coastal cousin, the Taipan. The list of creatures with a potential to cause death is quite long, several species of snake, cone shells, Box jellyfish, several spiders and the occasional death by allergic reaction to wasps and ants stings.

This brings me to the point of this particular blog. If one has a belief in a certain thing, a definite belief, its difficult for the conscious mind to argue with it. Let me give you an example. Several years ago I purchased a length of timber in a hardware store, on my way out, I spotted a spider on my arm which had obviously been transported on the timber. It moved so quickly that I couldn't identify it .... the creature ran straight up my shirt sleeve onto my chest. Without further ado it bit me! It hurt! Of course, from that moment on I was convinced that death was imminent! I sweated, was nauseous, feeling light headed, mouth dry, vision blurry ..... dreadful really! After this episode of panic I settled somewhat and realised that ... hey, I'm ok ... and looked down to see a tiny, innocuous jumping spider on my shirt. His bite is about as harmful as a gnat!

I'm sure you get my drift though. I believed it, therefore it would be! Luckily, it wasn't!

The human mind is a labyrinth of little understood phenomena. I had just experienced one of them.

In Australia, our idigenous people have used this knowledge for generations. Here is a fine example as exhibited in John Godwins book "Unsolved: The World of the Unknown" ............

In 1953, a dying Aborigine named Kinjika was flown from Arnhem Land in Australia's Northern Territory to a hospital in Darwin. Tests revealed he had not been poisoned, injured, nor was he suffering from any sort of injury. Yet, the man was most definitely dying. After four days of agony spent in the hospital, Kinjika died on the fifth. It was said he died of bone pointing.

"Bone pointing" is a method of execution used by the Aborigines. It is said to leave no trace, and never fails to kill its victim. The bone used in this curse either made of either human, kangaroo, emu or even wood. The shape of the killing-bone, or kundela, varies from tribe to tribe. The lengths can be from six to nine inches. They look like a long needle. At the rounded end, a piece of hair is attached through the hole, and glued into place with a gummy resin from the spinifex bush. Before it can be used, the kundela is charged with a powerful psychic energy in a ritual that is kept secret from women and those who are not tribe members. To be effective, the ritual must be performed faultlessly. The bone is then given to the kurdaitcha, who are the tribe's ritual killers.

These killers then go and hunt (if the person has fled) the condemned. The name, kurdaitcha comes from the slippers they wear while on the hunt. The slippers are made of cockatoo (or emu) feathers and human hair - they virtually leave no footprints. Also, they wear kangaroo hair, which is stuck to their bodies after they coat themselves in human blood and they also don masks of emu feathers. They hunt in pairs or threes and will pursue their quarry for years if necessary, never giving up until the person has been cursed.

Once the man is caught, one of the kurdaitcha goes down onto one knee and points the kundela. The victim is said to be frozen with fear and stays to hear the curse, a brief piercing chant, that the kurdaitcha chants. Then, he and his fellow hunters return to the village and the kundela is ritually burned.

The condemned man may live for several days or even weeks. But, he believes so strongly in the curse that has been uttered, that he will surely die. It is said that the ritual loading of the kundela creates a “spear of thought” which pierces the victim when the bone is pointed at him. It is as if an actual spear has been thrust at him and his death is certain.

Kinjika had been accused of an incestuous relationship. Instead of going to his trial, he fled the village. The hunters found him and cursed him. It is said that is why he died.

Amazing stuff indeed. There is a positive side to this of course; if the mind can be used in order to magnify the negative and deadly, it may be used, conversly, to bring about the good and the positive. Makes sense does it not?

Thats the core belief in Hypnotherapy. Use the mind to bring about positive change ...... give it try why dont you ....

Put it there buddy!

Pattern Interruption ....

Now there's a lead in title with psychobablic connotations attached to it!

How would you like anyone that you meet to remember your name, or the first thing you ever said to them? Would it be beneficial that someone remember you with a friendly face and an open smile? How would you like to influence a salesperson in a way that benefits you? (Oooo yes I hear you say!).

Allow me to explain. As we develop psychologically within our own societies, we develop learned patterns of behaviour. Certain behaviours become unconscious and automatic in whatever situation they are relevant to.

My example here is one that most of you will relate to. Most of us at some time have shaken hands with another person (with oneself is a concern?). The handshake is usually spontaneous as one person leans forward, hand extended. This is a pattern. Its stored deep within our unconscious mind.

If we interrupt or break that pattern, it throws the other party into a trance (yes, a trance, a hypnotic state). This all takes place in a matter of a few seconds, and, if during that trance state we offer a suggestion, it is unlikely that the other party will ever forget it!

Here's what you can do to interrupt that pattern. Unless you're a Boy Scout, you would normally shake hands with the right hand, right? So, during the lead up to the handshake, offer the right hand, and then just prior to contact lift and offer your left hand instead! As you're doing this, offer the person your engaged with a verbal suggestion. For instance, a simplistic "Hi, my name is Fred Smith from Brisbane", or, "Hi, I'm certain you will give me a really low price on that vehicle". Get the picture? Keep in mind of course that as I've explained in previous comments, the person will not do anything that they feel to be wrong, unlawful (in their eyes) or runs against their code of ethics, and rightly so.

All's well unless the persons a Boy Scout of course! In that case, well ......... I'll leave that one up to you.

Pain and the Mind

I'm in the process of writing a book. Sometimes the task seems daunting and very slow indeed. I like to think of it as a "work in progress", and this salves the twinge of fear I have of never finishing it!

The book is about hypnosis, hypnotherapy and really is meant as a guide to those setting out in this field of work. I remember all too well the minefield of confusion and funk when you set out with your very first clients. It will however, I hope, be of interest to anyone who loves a book of interest that relates to Hypnotherapy.

So, where am I heading with this Blog? I've come to a chapter dedicated to pain, and the relief of it. In doing so, I've realised something that I thought I knew anyway. Pain is a very complex issue indeed. It's diverse, variable, chronic or acute, and occasionally, even for the sufferer a difficult condition to describe in words. It can be gnawing, burning, sharp, dull, biting, hot, cold, grinding ...... and so on. It may come and go, or it may be constant.

I won't go into the neurological explanation of it here, as I believe there's still some controversy in the scientific world as to how and why pain is sensed. The theory that pain is transmitted from specific pain receptors along dedicated pain fibers in the body, to a pain center in the brain, has withstood the challenge of time, though the "pain center" in the brain has now become a very elaborate neural network.

Of course, pain is there for a reason. It can protect us from further injury, and we also learn at a certain level of our mind that repetition of the injurious activity would be folly indeed! So pain is in fact extremely important to our well being. There are individuals whose ability to sense pain is diminished, either by disease or genetically induced. Some people, a very small number, are born with congenital analgesia. They feel little or no pain, and sadly their lives are usually much shorter due to this.

From my point of view, as a Hypnotherapist, I like to view pain as a construct. Simplistically speaking, its made up of three main portions. They are:

• Memory of past pain
• The present pain
• Projection within the mind as to how it will progress

If we can alter, remove or modify any of the three portions, we can alter the experience, moderately or completely. In hypnosis, there are several ways in which to do this of course. Also, in many cases, the basic act of relaxing deeply when in pain can alleviate much of the discomfort. A fine analogy to this is the crushing pain of a broken bone. Around the area of the break, tissues expand, tighten and squeeze in an attempt by the body to protect itself. This is pain at its very worst, when even the slightest of movements can illicit a scream of agony. But, very shortly after the limb is immobilized and put in plaster, the pain begins to subside. Why? Because the muscles, tissues, tendons and fibers adjacent to the break can now relax. So it is with hypnosis; relax the poor soul whose suffering, and the pain will subside.

Other methods within hypnosis can illicit complete anesthesia. It's well recorded now that many surgical procedures, major and minor, have been completed using hypnosis alone to create a pain free state.

The Scottish physician James Esdaile (1808-1859) is possibly the best known of "modern" utilisers of the hypnotic state to carry out surgery. Indeed, some of Esdaile's surgical excursions were extensive! Amputations of arms, breasts, penises (penises!!! I just had a twinge of pain!), scrotal tumors and so on. Esdaile claimed an incredible increase in the survival rate of his patients, lowering the mortality rate down from 40% to 5%. This huge reduction was claimed by Esdaile to be due to the relief of the horrific pain of surgery by hypnosis. Actually, Esdaile was still calling it "mesmerism", another canny Scott named James Braid later named it "hypnosis" ('hypnos' being greek for 'sleep')

Well, I just answered myself and talked me into progressing with this chapter. It's wonderful what a little self-talk can do .... isn't it Dan? Yes, it is Dan.

Nature or Nurture?

A recent extract from the New York times

For years, psychiatrists have known that children who are abused or neglected run a high risk of developing mental problems later in life, from anxiety and depression to substance abuse and suicide.
The connection is not surprising, but it raises a crucial scientific question: Does the abuse cause biological changes that may increase the risk for these problems?
Over the past decade or so, researchers at McGill University in Montreal, led by Michael Meaney, have shown that affectionate mothering alters the expression of genes in animals, allowing them to dampen their physiological response to stress. These biological buffers are then passed on to the next generation: rodents and nonhuman primates biologically primed to handle stress tend to be more nurturing to their own offspring, Dr. Meaney and other researchers have found.

Now, for the first time, they have direct evidence that the same system is at work in humans. In a study of people who committed suicide published Sunday in the journal Nature Neuroscience, researchers in Montreal report that people who were abused or neglected as children showed genetic alterations that likely made them more biologically sensitive to stress.

The findings help clarify the biology behind the wounds of a difficult childhood and hint at what constitutes resilience in those able to shake off such wounds.

The study “extends the animal work on the regulation of stress to humans in a dramatic way,” Jaak Panksepp, an adjunct professor at Washington State University who was not involved in the research, wrote in an e-mail message.

He added that the study “suggests pathways that have promoted the psychic pain that makes life intolerable,” and continued, “It’s a wonderful example of how the study of animal models of emotional resilience can lead the way to understanding human vicissitudes.”

In the study, scientists at McGill and the Singapore Institute for Clinical Sciences compared the brains of 12 people who had committed suicide and who had had difficult childhoods with 12 people who had committed suicide and who had not suffered abuse or neglect as children.

The scientists determined the nature of the subjects’ upbringing by doing extensive interviews with next of kin, as well as investigating medical records. The brains are preserved at Douglas Hospital in Montreal as part of the Quebec Suicide Brain Bank, a program founded by McGill researchers to promote suicide studies that receives brain donations from around the province.

When people are under stress, the hormone cortisol circulates widely, putting the body on high alert. One way the brain reduces this physical anxiety is to make receptors on brain cells that help clear the cortisol, inhibiting the distress and protecting neurons from extended exposure to the hormone, which can be damaging.

The researchers found that the genes that code for these receptors were about 40 percent less active in people who had been abused as children than in those who had not. The scientists found the same striking differences between the abused group and the brains of 12 control subjects, who had not been abused and who died from causes other than suicide. “It is good evidence that the same systems are at work in humans that we have seen in other animals,” said Patrick McGowan, a postdoctoral fellow in Dr. Meaney’s lab at McGill and the lead author of the study.

His co-authors, along with Dr. Meaney, were Aya Sasaki, Ana C. D’Alessio, Sergiy Dymov, Benoît Labonté and Moshe Szyf, all of McGill, and Dr. Gustavo Turecki, a McGill researcher who leads the Brain Bank.

Because of individual differences in the genetic machinery that regulates stress response, experts say, many people manage their distress despite awful childhoods. Others may find solace in other people, which helps them regulate the inevitable pain of living a full life.

“The bottom line is that this is a terrific line of work, but there is a very long way to go either to understand the effects of early experience or the causes of mental disorders,” Dr. Steven Hyman, a professor of neurobiology at Harvard, wrote in an e-mail message.


The jury is out on this one, but it's certainly seems to be of interest, does it not?

Friends ...

Life can be odd at times, painful too, but a true friend can really lift that load from your shoulders and make you smile ........

Friendship is an in-depth, relaxed relationship!
Friends relate.

It is an in-depth relationship combining trust, support, communication, loyalty, understanding, empathy, and intimacy.

These are certainly aspects of life that all of us crave.

Being able to trust and relax with your friend is a big part of friendship.

Remember when you were young and went with a friend to her grandma's for the week-end. It was fun but when you got home, home was wonderful. Your feeling was "I'm home. I can relax now."

That's what a friendship should be.

You go out into the world and do your best. You have your ups and downs, your problems and triumphs, your fun and tribulations. You charm and you perform.

Then you come "home" to a friend. You can relax, put up your feet; you are relieved. If you still have to be charming and/or performing, it's not a relief.

Friendship is a comfy situation like home. You get home, kick off your shoes, relax and sigh, "Ahh, home."

But no one can form a friendship until he/she realises that the basis of being friends is meeting the needs of the other person. One must be a friend to have one.

Never forget that friends relate. Relating is the basis of friendship.

We could listen to friends sometimes ......

We often take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.

Watch someone really listening to another person. He makes eye contact and focuses on the other person. He listens with his eyes as well as his ears. While listening, he nods or makes attentive noises from time-to-time. He is a skilled, attentive listener. The person he is listening to feels a sense of communication.

You can grow more friends with your ears and with your eyes than with your mouth.

After your next conversation, test your ability to benefit from listening to that conversation. Analyze and ask yourself:

• What did I learn from my friend?
• What did I learn about my friend?
• Did anyone interrupt?
• What questions should I have asked?
• What questions should I have answered more thoroughly?
• Was I absolutely certain I understood everything?
• Did I ask for clarification?
• Did I practice acknowledgment?
• Did my friend practice acknowledgment?
• Were both parties attending?
• Was the conversation balanced?
• Did anyone keep changing the subject?
• Did anyone get angry?
• Did anyone appear sad?
• Was everyone paying attention?
• What will I do different in my next conversation?

We all need friends. We all need that communication that only a friend can give.

The World of Pain

We all know what pain is, physical pain that is. It ranges from the moderate throb of an earache to the excruciating horror of a dislocated joint. It seems that we all experience levels of pain in a different way, our minds handle it uniquely according to our own level of coping.

Despite its unpleasantness, pain is an important part of the existence of humans and other animals; in fact, it is vital to healthy survival . Pain encourages an organism to disengage from the noxious stimulus associated with the pain. Preliminary pain can serve to indicate that an injury is imminent, such as the ache from a soon-to-be-broken bone. Pain may also promote the healing process, since most organisms will protect an injured region in order to avoid further pain.

My Grandfather was an example of someone who had the ability to endure the most awful pain without so much as a flinch. He was wounded and maimed dreadfully in WW1 and I imagine, in order to live a life and survive at all after that, he developed coping skills. Unfortunately he expected everyone around him to have the same skills! Looking back to when I remember him sitting in his chair, I now know that he was off in a trance, detached, separated from the pain he felt. He was in fact in a hypnotic state, although he himself did not know it at the time. He was disocciated from his own physical feelings.

I really like the story of Milton Erickson which tells of the time he was called upon to treat an aging lady. She was moribund, suffering terribly with the pain of cancer. When he arrived to see her, she was quite hostile, unhappy and unconvinced that anyone at all could relieve her pain. Erickson persevered, he knew the dreadful sensation of deep pain himself. In order to explain very quickly to this lady just how it was going to work, he asked her that if she suddenly saw a great tiger at the door of her room, licking its chops and ready to devour her, would she still feel pain? Of course she wouldn't, and very quickly she realised which path Erickson was taking. She spent much of the rest of her time, pain free, listening to the purring of a great cat beneath her bed.

In my dealings with clients suffering, and needing relief from pain, I view their pain as a construct. Psychologically speaking, pain is very basically made up of three things.

• Memories of past pain events
• Present pain
• Projection of how this pain will progress

By inducing a hypnotic state and changing the way that the mind views any, or all of the three mindsets shown above, we are certain to change the pain felt right now. People also relate quite negatively to the word "pain", so from the outset I drop that description and call it discomfort. It's very important to note at this juncture that removing all pain by hypnosis is both unwise and potentially very dangerous. Pain is, after all, there for a reason.

Finally, the most basic form of hypnotic relaxation technique will have a profoundly beneficial effect upon pain. Anyone reading this who has broken a bone will know that as soon as the supporting cast is applied, the pain subsides. Why is this so? The reason is simple; the limb, all its tendons, muscles, fibres and nerves relax once they are supported. This of course reduces the physical trauma at the point of the break, easing the .... discomfort.

I wish you a pain free day!

Stress!

Its a fact ... STRESS makes us SICK!!

Modern day pressures are adding an unusual load upon people within the western world in particular. I suspect that given the new global economy it will become more prevalent in other nations quite quickly. Basically speaking, where we have industry + wealth + education we begin to develop this quite unique blend of stressors which can tip us over the edge both mentally and physically.

Thats not to say that a Masai tribes person doesn't suffer stress events, I'm sure they do, but its a different form and type of stress to that which we impose upon ourselves.

Stress is a well-known trigger for depression and it can also affect your physical health. So it's important to identify the causes of stress in your life and try to minimise them.

Any sort of loss, from bereavement, divorce and separation to a child leaving home, causes stress, as do long-term illness and disability. But things such as marriage, moving house, a new job and holidays have quite high stress ratings too.

In work, worrying about deadlines or about not being up to the challenges of a particular task can cause stress.

Symptoms of stress

Some common signs of too much stress include:

• Increased irritability
• Heightened sensitivity to criticism
• Signs of tension, such as nail-biting
• Difficulty getting to sleep and early morning waking
• Drinking and smoking more
• Indigestion
• Loss of concentration

It's important to act to relieve damaging stress before it affects your physical or mental health.

Dealing with stress

The secret of managing stress is to look after yourself and, where possible, to remove some of the causes of stress. If you start to feel things are getting on top of you, give yourself some breathing space.

Take a day off work, domestic chores, family and everything else that puts pressure on you. Spend the day doing only relaxing things that make you feel good. It can make all the difference, reducing the threat to your wellbeing.

Some ways to cope with stress:

• Accept offers of practical help
• Do one thing at a time - don't keep piling stress on stress
• Know your own limits - don't be too competitive or expect too much of yourself
• Talk to someone
• Let off steam in a way that causes no harm (shout, scream or hit a pillow)
• Walk away from stressful situations
• Try to spend time with people who are rewarding rather than critical and judgmental
• Practise slow breathing using the lower part of the lungs
• Use relaxation techniques

One response to stress can be anger. Find out more about anger management.

Work-related stress

Stress caused by work is the second biggest occupational health problem in the Western World (after back problems). Because there's still a stigma attached to mental health problems, employees are often reluctant to seek help in case they're seen as unable to cope.

Many situations can lead to stress at work. These include:

• Poor relationships with colleagues
• an unsupportive boss
• Lack of consultation and communication
• Too much interference with your private, social or family life
• Too much or too little to do
• Too much pressure, with unrealistic deadlines
• Work that's too difficult or not demanding enough
• Lack of control over the way the work is done
• Poor working conditions
• Being in the wrong job
• Feeling undervalued
• Insecurity and the threat of unemployment

When people feel under impossible pressure at work, they tend to work harder and harder to try to close the gap between what they're achieving and what they think they should be achieving. They stop taking breaks and lose touch with their own needs.

Tackling work stress

There are general things you can do:

• Talk to someone you trust - at work or outside - about the things that are upsetting you
• Use whatever counselling or support is available
• Work regular hours and take all the breaks and holidays you're entitled to.
• If things get too much, book a day off or a long weekend
• Use flexitime, if available, to avoid rush-hour travel or to fit in with childcare needs
• Look after yourself through exercise and healthy eating
• Tackle addictions to alcohol, smoking or other drugs

Specific things to do:

• Make your work environment comfortable and suited to your needs
• Discuss problems with your supervisor or manager, and if difficulties can't be resolved, talk to your personnel department, trade union representative or other relevant members of staff
• Treat colleagues with the respect and consideration you'd like from them
• Be aware of company policies on harassment, bullying or racism, so you know how to challenge unacceptable behaviour and what back-up there is

All excellent suggestions. Hypnotherapy is an excellent modality of therapy for such stress events. It can re-colour the way you behave in stressful situations, and help you to divest yourself of that which has been causing the inability to cope.

We can teach you new skills, new ways to relax, I mean really relax! This is a skill which people lose as stress builds up and swallows them whole.

So, recognise it, act promptly, seek professional help. There is a way out.

As always, you'll find me at www.cqhypnosis.com.

Dan.